Undoing MY Silence

Undoing MY Silence 

From the text, Undoing the Silence, we are offered up some advice in how to access the powerful voices that we all have inside. One issue that many of us face in accessing and sharing this voice in writing is avoidance. We hear that “most people will do just about anything but sit down and write” (Dunlap, 2007, pg. 27). I don’t know about you but I was glad to hear that. Recognizing that this is part of the process for me is important. Having to get on with it, stop procrastinating and start producing is the first step.

Once we do get started, (sorry I mean once I get started) something keeps me from putting the words on the page. Our text calls it “harmful self-criticism” and I can attest that this is REAL. As I type and delete, type and delete and type some more before I delete opposing forces are at work. I have heard that we are our own toughest critics. I believe that to be true. So step two, for me at least is to work on getting rid of or reducing the static that I hear and just let it fly! (maybe then I could get a post in on time J. 

On that note I found one of the exercises in the text especially useful. A way to release that self-criticism is to give it a power punch to the head with some affirmations. 

I dedicate my work to my own healing and that of my community.

My creativity heals myself and others.

I absolutely love those and just saying it out loud or writing it down on paper makes it seem more real in some way. It also addresses one of the concerns that blogging for me creates. It is ok to be about ME. My work and my creativity helps me work on ME and MY issues. It is all about ME ME ME ME ME ME and of course you. That is somehow very freeing. Knowing that as I concentrate on my healing and creativity it also helps others. How can I be a part of a caring practice and work without working through the issues that I have. Working on ME is not as selfish as I thought.

If you got through this post, congratulations you made it and YOU are wonderful.

 

 

 

Appreciative Inquiry

2/7/13

“Appreciate Inquiry is the cooperative search for the best in people, their organizations, and the world around them. It involves systematic discovery of what gives a system ‘life’ when it is most effective and most capable…AI involves the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a system’s capacity to heighten positive potential.” (The Change Handbook, Cooperrider & Wihitney)

Appreciate Inquiry is a newer concept for me and my understanding is that it is closely related to Solution-Focused practice. This is a practice that speaks to me. It requires that we no longer focus our attention on problems to solve but on strengths that are present and can be accessed.  I think that it is natural and quit easy to identify problems, negatives, and to see what is wrong with situations that we encounter.

AI is the opposite and it takes some getting used to. Making the change takes time, energy and effort and if you stop for a minute you can begin to focus on problems and see things through the negative almost immediately. So I keep working on it. I want to make AI a part of my life and practice and way of seeing the world. I want to empower not only the people whom I work with but myself as I see life and challenges as an opportunity to use the strengths that are present to create solutions. It is a mindset, a habit of asking the questions that lead to solving problems and not pointing problems out….and it is an exciting way of being.

 

 

 

different ways of thinking and knowing

Reflecting on today’s work day gives me a perfect example of different ways of thinking and knowing.  A coworker was showing me some very specific functions of our computer program that we use at work this morning. I could feel and see that he was surprised that I did not use some of the features we were reviewing. In my mind they were insignificant and unimportant. In his mind they were not. I believe he felt some type of superiority over others because of his technical knowledge. At the same time I was making value judgments about what I perceived as his lack of interpersonal skills. Neither one of us seemed to appreciate what the other was offering.

Who is to say what is more important or if that “more important” even exists? When we take time to reflect on what type of “thinking hat” we wear we can begin to see how that affects what we see, prioritize and experience and how others view us.  Reviewing Patterns of Thinking seems to remind us of this. The American model of “getting straight to the point” seems blunt, simple, aggressive and rude in comparison to other cultures.  Other cultures can seem repetitive, off topic, out of order in comparison to this form of communication and thinking.

The point is nobody should be caught up in value judgments believing one way of being, thinking, communicating is correct. What matters is that we continually reflect on our process and continually grow in appreciation and openness to the ways of others.

left and right brain discussion

 

It is important to understand our own strengths especially as we attempt to overcome obstacles. As we encounter these obstacles we balance the left and right brain. We use both critical and creative sides to solve problems, to get through our daily lives and to function in the world. We tap into the left brain to organize and the right brain for spontaneity.

Some of us excel or exist in one side more than the other. You know what I am talking about. You know the people who exist on one side of the brain all the time. There is the computer programmer who sounds like a robot, that is a left brainer and the mechanic who describes in detail each moving part of the motor, that is a left brainer. Then there is that far out hippy dreamer type, totally abstract, right brainer and the artist who relies on feelings and emotions to be creative, right brainer.  

Most of us exist somewhere in between or at least shift back and forth. As I create a list of my left and right brain strengths I begin to realize that I may be operating more within the mush in between the two. I have always recognized, with the help of others, my creative or right brain. I am a visual person, emotional, looking to see the bigger picture, the abstract, the dream world and like to live life as it comes.

After further review however there are parts of me that live in the left side. Before I can begin the creative process in anything I do I always straighten up, and organize. I line things up and make order out of my messes. I organize by color, shape, size and whatever else. I like to break things down into parts when I get a bit overwhelmed, tackle small sections and go from there. I have a sock drawer and a place set my keys when I come into the house.

I think the important part of all this left/right brain business is becoming more aware of how we function, recognizing not only our own strengths but the strengths of others as we try to get the most out of our lives and our experiences on this earth.

Obstacles

 
I realize that the obstacles in my life are mostly self imposed and are not as worthy of complaint as others who have real barriers and obstacles. Many people have to get past serious traumatic experiences, racism, sexism, economic struggles, health issues and the list goes on and on. Here I am thinking of the obstacles in my life and I can’t even begin to feel sorry for myself…but somehow I do.

 No matter where we are in life though we seem to put up walls and barriers to our own success and self-actualization. I want to be a better person, more successful, harder working, more focused…but I let things get in my way. When I thought of what got in my way it became a little suffocating. I imaged a moat between my home and me, with no bridge, no boat, and no way to get across.

                        When I thought of how lazy I am, how it keeps me from accomplishments…I took a nap.

 When I thought of how much fun I like to have….I stopped my homework, party time.

 When I thought of my insecurities and fear…I avoided looking further.

 When I thought of how nice the sun would feel on my skin…I went for a hike.

 

The usefulness of understanding what gets in your way, of naming it and seeing it is that you can become aware of it and with awareness you can modify your behavior and make positive change. The Indigenous knowledge of naming your fears or obstacles makes sense. When you name it, you recognize it and then you can do something about it. It is self reflection and it is taking inventory of where you are and where you want to be. It does seem useful for oneself and within any helping profession.

My mind is a crazy flow of lava             

Hot from motion

No way to cool or be cool                                 

Cool is now gone

Heat of Sun warms my touch         

The bla bla speech of

Mr. Such and Such

Burns my soul

A drop of liquid fire rolls off my temple

As it hits the floor

No cool breeze to cushion burn

Nowhere to turn

Only heat

 

Exercise in letting the mind take me where it wants to go….not sure if I was really ready for that ride! Something that came up in my free writing exercise was some poetry which has been in my head forever. It is great to take some time and let out that creative side and express oneself. It does feel healthy.

Something that is apparent to me from this exercise is that I am insane….sssshhh don’t tell. I don’t think that I am alone though. My mind, just like others, is scrambling to make sense of this existence, to process experiences and emotions and make decisions. What came to my mind in the free writing exercise and in reflection after is how so many people’s thoughts are scattered by traumatic experiences, domestic violence, mental health issues and drug use. I have to constantly remind myself that people can make poor decisions and it is not for me to judge. It is for me to understand that their thought processes and decision making can often be in reaction to very difficult circumstances and situations. My mind is very busy and tangled up and that is with as many opportunities and comforts that I have been allowed. I can only image what a jumbled up mess it would be if I had experienced more challenges in life. The point I am trying to make to myself mostly, is that you can’t go around thinking, “What were you thinking!” You have to think to yourself, “What experiences has this person had to make them think this way?” Then maybe there is more understanding, compassion, patient and a place to begin to help. Am I making any sense?

 

 

                                  

We were asked to reflect on the subject of silence this week. (long pause) I think that somehow, somewhere I got it all mixed up. I began to think of silence as consent. I thought of silence as some type of weakness, like I couldn't stand up for myself or others if I wasn't flapping my lips in self defense or defense of others. If I didn't use my voice and articulate my thoughts to others I was not communicating my wants, needs and intentions. (longer pause)

I am that annoying guy in the elevator who can't deal with the silence and then I say something stupid about the weather. (pause for silence)

They say that a picture is worth a 1000 words but maybe, just maybe, silence is worth a whole heck of a lot more then that, like 10000 words wispered into the wind. Silence means you are listening. Silence means you are thinging. Silence means you are giving someone else a chance. I remember hearing in course work last semester that an effective leader is someone you don't even notice. I like that. (long pause)

Hopefully as life keeps moving faster and faster, as we are more exposed to created stimuli we will remember to find room for silence in our lives and in that silence hear what is actually happening within and around us.